Okay, I have a confession that might be hard to believe. I have a...problem with oversharing. SHOCKING, I KNOW. I mean, who other than a chronic oversharer would have a blog in which I talk about the crap I talk about? No one, that's who. So I preface this Actual Conversation with that. I know oversharing is a problem. And this is why I get into these situations. Also? The desperately insane LOVE ME. Okay, on with the story.
Scene: Parking lot at CVS pharmacy.
Our Players: Miss Banshee, our heroine, returning to car from purchasing pack of cigarettes.
Insane Middle Aged Dude with Manson Lamp eyes
Action!
Me: *strolls to car, opening pack of cigarettes. Situates self in car, turns on iPod, which is blasting "My Chemical Romance" because I am a 14 year old emo kid at heart. Affix cigarette to mouth and light it, bouncing in my seat to the music* Tra la la, mission accomplished, time to go home.
*BANG BANG BANG!!!!!*
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! Someone is pounding on my window!!!!
Insane Man: ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW!!!!
NOW. Readers. This is the part where your old pal Miss Banshee does something stupid. It's also where we see her penchant for not only oversharing, but engaging in conversations with the clinically deranged. I think you see where this is going.
Me: *stupidly rolls down window* Yes?
Insane Man: You shouldn't smoke!!!!!!!! It'll kill you!!!!!!
Me: Yeah, I know, I know I should quit.
Insane Man: THOSE THINGS WILL GIVE YOU THE CANCER.
Me: I realize this. *here comes the oversharing* it's just that I'm on a diet, you see, and I'm trying to lose weight, and smoking distracts me, and also I always smoke in the car. It's a routine of mine. I have OCD.
Insane Man: YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE GIRL! WHY AREN'T YOU IN SCHOOL???
Me: *stunned silence*
Insane Man: *glares*
Me: Um, sir? *explodes in giggles*
Insane Man: WELL? ARE YOU PLAYING HOOKY???
Me: Sir...I'm 32 years old. I have a Masters Degree. It's been a long time since I've had to be in school.
Insane Man: OH. Well you don't look 32.
Me: Thanks! I actually just got carded for these cigarettes, so I'm feeling pretty good about myself right about now, to tell you the truth.
Common Sense: END THIS INSANE CONVERSATION. DRIVE AWAY.
Me: I appreciate your concern, sir, but I'm not quitting smoking anytime soon.
Insane Man: WELL I KNOW I SOUND LIKE AN AA PERSON, BUT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
Common Sense: Don't say it. DON'T SAY IT.
Me: Oh, I AM an AA person. Well I was. I don't go anymore, but I did! I'm very good at admitting I'm powerless over my addictions. *iPod changes to Marilyn Manson*
Insane Man: *silence*
Me: WELL! You have yourself a nice day, sir! Gotta run! *throws car into gear and zips away*
My girl Amber says I shouldn't engage the Crazy, but it's so fun! I love the conversations I get into when I engage the Crazy. And the best part happens when the Crazy realize that I am WAY crazier than they are. That's good times, right about there.
So if you're insane, and you see me, strike up a conversation! I'll be sure to totally overshare everything in my life at that point. I'll even let you bum a smoke.
