Inverse Candlelight

Lies, Damn Lies, And Statistics

I am a nerd for statistics. For someone who hates math as much as I always have, I get a kick out of checking the blog's stats every day, and see who is reading. So what I'm basically saying is that I SEEEEE YOOOOU. And I love you all for reading.

One thing that cracks me up is the Google search keyword list. Something must have happened in Ye Olde Google, cause in the last couple of days, I've gotten over 250 hits for "David Bowie's Crotch." The original story of David Bowie's Crotch is here, and here are some facts about who searches for "David Bowie's Crotch" on the interwebz.

1. India, Saudi Arabia, the UK, France, and California are the most popular places if you want to find someone looking for David Bowie's Crotch.

2. People search for DBC all hours of the day and night.

3. The movie "Labyrinth" is most associated with DBC. 

4. Other searches for DBC include "David Bowie's Crotch: A Space Oddity" and "David Bowie Enormous P3nis."

5. A whole hell of a lot of you are looking for David Bowie's Crotch. 

Well, if you came here looking for DBC, I can't disappoint, now can I? Here it is.

Now that you've had your fill of David Bowie's Crotch, can I interest you in the rest of my blog? I love new readers, and remember, if I see your IP address looking for DBC and you don't stick around to read some of the archives of non-DBC related material? You're a dirty birdie, and Miss Banshee knows it.

Catholic School: The Dance

OH, the high school dance. Hahahhaa. Now, my school did not have dances, as that would not be befitting to the upstanding young ladies we were, hahahaha, so we went to OTHER schools' dances, oh yes we did, and would spend hours and hours getting ready so as to look HAWT AND AVAILABLE, BOYS demure and dignified to go to the boys' school and GET OUR GROOVE ON dance respectively at arm's length.

So one night, my sophomore year of high school, I went to a dance at the boys' school. I had gone out with a boy a couple of times, but he said that he wasn't going to the dance that night, and I said I wasn't either. That was a lie I told. I was totally going to that dance. So I went with my friends and what did my wondering eyes did I see??? MY boy, there with another girl!!! A tramp! A slut! THE WHORE OF BABYLON, oh my god, my life was over.

So I was in the hallway crying, when this long-haired musician type asked me what was wrong. He was so cute, y'all. Now he was the person to go to Sweet 16's with, the one who was two years older, and SO popular, especially for the ladies. He knew it too. So I told him what had happened, and he gave me his denim jacket and took me to the diner with all his awesome senior friends (The Lackawanna, or "Like-I-Wanna" diner, which was one of a gajillion diners we all went to, because, you know, Jersey.) We started dating, and everyone at my school ended up hating me, but I didn't care cause I had just met an amazing group of guys who are like brothers to me today.

And that dude, Stevil? He might not have the long hair anymore, but he's still my best friend in the world, and I love his family and his awesome girlfriend Meaghan Lady, and everything ended up dandy.

And the guy who dumped me at the dance for the trollop? They beat the snot out of him and shoved him in a locker. Because in high school, that's the most romantic thing possible.

 

Me and Steve, circa a long time ago

NaBloPoMo: Scenes From A Weekend

So I wanted to write more about my weekend, but I was so insanely tired last night that my brain was all "Glaaaaaarrrrggghhhhh pretty vampires whee, glitter! Zzzzzzzzzzz." And no one wanted that. So now, I present to you: Scenes from my weekend.

Scene One: Friday night dinner with KD:

KD: So...what it comes down to is that you try to help people...

Miss Banshee: Aaaaaaand then you clean up their crime scenes.

KD: Yeah, pretty much.

Miss Banshee: We're like a TEAM!

Scene Two: Saturday afternoon, waiting for LaRoux:

TEXT FROM LAROUX: Be there at 4:30! Yay vampires!!!

TWITTER FROM LAROUX (five minutes later): Ah, GWB, we meet again.

Miss Banshee (to self): Child's only at the bridge? Biz is delusional. No way she's getting here at 4:30. Also, if she's texting and Twittering while driving, there will be beatings galore. 

TEXT FROM LAROUX: Um, more like 5:00. 

Miss Banshee: I'm changing back into my pajamas. Good lord, the beatings. 

Scene Three: Movie Theater, 1 hour before showtime:

Miss Banshee: Wow, are we early.

LaRoux: POPCORN. DIET COKE.

Miss Banshee: Lead the way, sistah.

(At concession stand, slightly greasy movie buff and slightly unhinged girl behind counter)

LaRoux: The "neighbor" combo, please!

Miss Banshee: Because we're neighbors.

(LaRoux and Banshee cackle maniacally) 

Movie Buff: (sad, yet hopeful glance) So...what are you seeing?

LaRoux: Oh, "Twilight"

Miss Banshee: Of course.

Movie Buff: (morose, tragic sigh.)

Slightly Unhinged Girl: OH YOU'LL LOVE IT DON'T LISTEN TO HIM OOOOOH!!! (runs into theater to watch the end of the last showing.)

Movie Buff: I want to kill myself.

Scene 4: In theater, as it fills with teenage girls.

(Miss Banshee and LaRoux text Twitter and Facebook frantically, as they are officially 13 years old today.) 

Scene 5: In theater, gaggle of teenage girls hover in aisle. A representitive approaches.

Representative: Um, can you guys move down, like, one seat? Or is that totally not happening?

LaRoux: Just for "is that totally not happening?" We will gladly move.

Miss Banshee: There's just one tiny problem.

LaRoux: Yeah, be careful, I just spilled my giant bucket of soda all over the land.

Miss Banshee: ALL OVER THE LAND.

LaRoux: Yeah. We're the grownups here today!

Scene 6: During the movie:

Miss Banshee (whispering): Jacob is going to be SO HOT when he grows up.

LaRoux (whispering): Oh hell yeah.

Miss Banshee: We were seniors in high school when he was born.

LaRoux: Hush up and look at the pretty.

Scene 7: Bella and Edward FINALLY kiss. Teenage girls go berserk.

Miss Banshee: You know, in Mormon language? That's third base.

LaRoux: At least.

(A VOICE FROM BEYOND THUNDERS. IT'S LAROUX, READING THIS RIGHT NOW FROM BOSTON.)

LaRoux: LIAR.

Miss Banshee: What?

LaRoux: LIAR. You did not say "third base." Tell the internet people what you said.

Miss Banshee: But...but my mom reads this.

LaRoux: Lying makes the baby Jeebus cry, dude. And the Mormons wouldn't appreciate that.

Miss Banshee: And the Mormons would appreciate that I said "Kissing is finger banging in Mormon?" They'd appreciate THAT? 

LaRoux: I know your Catholic mom will. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!

Miss Banshee: DAMMIT. 

Holy shit, this post is getting long. So the story of the Drama at the Diner and How Two People Can Not Move On A Sunday will have to wait. Kisses!

Stewie doesn't approve of da term "finger banging." Stewie SHOCKED.

NaBloPoMo: Basking in the Sparkly Afterglow

Sigh. Back tomorrow. Also? EDWARD SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Best Movie Poster Ever

Best. Movie Poster. Ever.

Now, everyone knows I am a comic book nerd. I'm one of those people that will hiss "It's a GRAPHIC NOVEL" through gritted teeth. I was very popular in high school.

Now, I'm an X-Men girl all the way, but I do love me some Batman, especially in the Arkham Asylum vein. And I loved "Batman Begins" and not only because I want to do very, very, very dirty things with Christian Bale.

(but that's a factor too.)

Now! "The Dark Knight" is almost upon us. And as sorrowful as I am that this was Heath Ledger's last film before his untimely death, I will soldier on through that and continue to be wicked excited about seeing this movie. This movie poster only makes my little fangirl heart soar all the higher. Witness!



Awesome, right??? I mean, I was excited simply because this was a Joker That Was Not Jack Nicholson, but...zowie. If I was a college freshman again, this poster would totally be on my dorm room wall.

PS: Heath's Joker makeup looks not unlike what I look like in the early stages of washing the makeup off my face at night. Because I am bringing sexy back. Call me, boys!