People sometimes compliment me on my smile, and I immediately clap my hand over my mouth, worried that they're being sarcastic. My teeth, at least the ones you can see, are all crowns, fake as Snooki's tan, acquired through a series of VERY unfortunate events all occurring in my mouth. My real teeth are problematic, underdeveloped things, prone to cavities and recipients of root canals, and basically the very bane of my existence.
Ever have one of those dreams where your teeth fall out? I have that dream at LEAST once a week. To say my poor mouth is as traumatized as my broken brain would be very accurate. Both afflictions are not my fault, and both cause me serious irritation on a daily basis.
I, like many many MANY others in this country, have no medical or dental insurance. I can't remember the last time I was at the dentist - I believe it was right after grad school which was in '06...that sounds about right. I had gone because whilst sitting in a meeting at the hospital where I had my internship, the crown on the triple-root-canal-ed dead as a doornail back left molar fell the hell out while I was trying to sound intellectual.
Hard to be taken seriously as a scholar when your teeth are falling the hell out of your face.
Anyway, I never got that fixed, and when I returned to NJ months and months later, my jaw had shifted and the crown (which I had SAVED for all this time) wouldn't fit. I said I'd come back to have it fixed.
Yeah, that never happened.
Fast forward to last night. I take my new med and let it dissolve under my tongue as instructed. Then I rolled around in agony for ten minutes because that shit tastes like hot buttered ass. Then I did something stupid.
Yes. Very, very stupid.
I ate a hard candy. A black cherry super duper sour Warhead, my favorite kind. And as I got the ridiculously awful taste out of my mouth, and reflected on the status of my brain (status was: very spinny, wheeeeeee) I bit down.
On the wrong side of my mouth.
Ow.
So now the tooth, which before had a crater in it where the crown used to go, now has a crater AND a hairline fracture all the way up to the gumline.
Like I said. Ow.
I get my Medicaid insurance in March, and hopefully then can get it taken care of. And by "taken care of" I mean YANKED THE HELL OUT OF MY MOUTH I WANT THE TOOTH OF DOOM GONE. Yank it. Pull it. Get it out of my mouth, give me two Percosets for the pain, and we'll all just pretend that my molar went to live on a farm somewhere. Until then, I'll be the one with "Chew On Your Right Side" written on my hand.
Oh, crud. If I could afford to throw some cash your way right now, to help with a "getting that tooth the hell out of your mouth now before you can no longer eat" fund, I totally would.
My questionable teeth sympathize. Especially the crowned pre-molar that the dentist said really needed more work... months ago.
Posted by: dreaming squid | October 08, 2010 at 05:17 PM
I found out two days ago that my one root-canal-ed and capped molar has a fracture, and should be removed and replaced with an implant. I'd love to give you words of wisdom and support, but I'm freaked out myself. I guess we just get a mutual agony of the teeth moment.
Posted by: Shannon | October 08, 2010 at 05:35 PM
Ah mah gah, I am NOT getting an implant. Just get RID of the thing, it's done nothing but cause me trouble since it sprouted. GIT. IT. OUT.
Posted by: Miss Banshee | October 08, 2010 at 05:37 PM
Just for your information: If you can scrape up $100 that's usually the cost of tooth removal. I know this cos I have a crowned tooth that now needs a root canal, and since I am poor I can't afford the $1000, to which my dentist offered to remove it for $93. I have an $800 crown on the tooth, so throwing that out is not really an option, but at the end of the day "Mad King Ludwig" (cos yea, I name my crowns after famous crowns) will cost me $2,000.
Also: If you have a college anywhere near you with a dental school you can get ridiculously cheap and still high quality care.
Having shitty teeth sucks, and I know it cos I've prolly spent nearly $20,000 on my teeth in the last 10 years and they are still all junk.
Posted by: blackeyedgurl | October 09, 2010 at 06:58 PM
I feel ya with the chewing on the right side only. I have a very bad crater-y tooth on the left, where a crown should be but is not, and I want the damn thing out. Will they take it out without me agreeing to an implant? So far, no. WTF, dental professionals? NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD IMPLANTS, YOU ASSHOLES!
Posted by: Suzy Q | October 11, 2010 at 06:52 PM
AMG. I have that dream every week or two. I HATE it!!
I'm told it means that I'm not speaking something that needs to be voiced. And that I'm not exercising my own power. Or some such.
Good luck with your tooth.
Posted by: Whitney923 | October 12, 2010 at 08:22 PM